20 Love's Last Illusion

Pure existence godbeing in my own awake space,
Self-existent traveler through the quantum cosmos,
Stirred awake as I dream, I know you a re real!
I am ready for the truth. My heart wants relief.

I was surprised when you came upon me. I prattled like a child.
Prayers rolled foolishly—a list of desires.
You were patient. You had nothing to say.
Today my heart is sober. Scrubbed clean by love.

Hidden Dragon! Collapse the tent!
No I-thou, you me or it!
Life is a charade! A pure existence fit!

Forgive my anger that love does not endure.
How did it get past me? I am a fool!
Love won’t go easily, though!
Children will see to that.
Who am I talking to? This is the last prayer.

Living Love! Fire of Life! Neither you nor me!
Living Love! Fire of Life! Neither you nor me!
Living Love! Fire of Life! Neither you nor me!

This prayer is a preparation for experiencing love without the protective veils of life around it. Its passion arises out of the realization that all human love is illusory, even the most intimate and enduring unions. In their confrontation with that truth, the mind and heart suffer the deepest disillusionment, for which there can be no preparation. How can love not be the one salvation within a world that is permeated with darkness? If you are ready to surrender the palliatives that most spiritual teachings offer, you will be able to stand eye-to-eye with the one living truth. How you respond to this loss of illusion is the very redemption of human life, even as the veils that define human life are shed.

Your passage into the inner reaches of the heart, once the veil has been irrevocably torn, may be perilous, and you may even want to forgo the journey. There is, however, no way out, for you as a human being are not the master of your fate. Only the living grace will accompany you into the heart regions from where there is no return. That which is undeniable and acting out of its own necessity will ask of you more than what you as a human being can offer. The depth of surrender is unfathomable.

This is a private calling. You travel the path alone. The enduring values of the race, including those of hearth and home and mother and child, play no role here. As you turn your back on what is most sacred in the human condition, you will have nothing to go on but that which always remains unseen, and there is no “other” in whose lap you can lay your head. You are the veil which love wraps around itself; you are the illusion who must face the truth.

Advanced Commentary
Some being, a voice, an essence, stands within the field life and demands the truth. “I am ready,” it says. It has suffered the pains of illusion and now wants “relief.” The rest of the prayer lays out the stages of the voice’s realization.

At first it interprets its experience as a visit from “God” and takes the opportunity to ask for its personal desires to be fulfilled. These petitioning prayers, however, are foolish and need to be purged from the awareness of the voice, who confuses the impersonal silence of pure existence as God’s “patience.” He continues the personification by saying, “You had nothing to say.” The fire of life has no persona, yet things happen. In the presence of the fire, the heart is “scrubbed clean by love.” In other words, the veil of personification that has designated the fire of pure existence as “God” has dropped.

Now all pretense is lost. It can no longer sustain the duality that allowed the idea and experience of “God” to be real. It is angry that it has been made to suffer this illusion, and, paradoxically, it is angry that the things that made life worth living are part of the illusion. In its anger, it declares that life is a “charade.” It even wants to destroy the matrix of that illusion so that it may never occur again. “Collapse the tent!”

This prayer has an extra stanza in order to see this disillusionment in the context of love. The voice is angry because when truth dawns, it does not find love there. Even love is not real. Once the tent collapses, the matrix of duality, which is required for love to be real, no longer exists. It is even angry at itself that in all of its pursuits of truth, it did not realize that love would not be part of its discovery. It declares itself to be a fool. Then, in despair, it looks out into the illusion and says that “love won’t go easily.” The bonds of love that bind adult human beings to children will never be broken. Humanity is trapped in their illusion. Humanity is an illusion.

But despair is illusion, too, just as anger, love and all other defining features of the “charade.” Finally, it gives up. It alone is real. It is the it. There is no one to pray to. This voice wanted the truth. Now it has it. The loss of love and, therefore, the personified self, is the last illusion. Perhaps this realization brings “relief.” Perhaps not. Who is there to be relieved?

Within the eternal waves of the fire of life, Hidden Dragon, the field of pure existence, this godseed, “neither you nor me,” has manifested and been realized.